


Vulnerable- SAM

by Grizzam



Series: Vulnerable [2]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Companion Piece, Crushes, Gay, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-05-02 01:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19189012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grizzam/pseuds/Grizzam
Summary: A small collection of snapshots written from Sam's POV . This is a companion piece for my story "Vulnerable"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, as I mentioned in the notes of my story “Vulnerable”, here are a few snippets of Sam’s POV. I didn’t want to just re-write scenes with him and Grizz so I’m keeping it predominantly just stuff that happens before and after he hangs out with Grizz. I’m not really sure if I’ll do more, but if I feel like it I will. This part spans from chapter 2 to just after chapter five so please read those first if you haven't already. I clearly label which part of the story it is for each part to avoid confusion.
> 
> Also I put a ‘ instead of “ for dialogue because that’s what I did for signing/mouthing in the main story and I kept with it even when people were speaking with voice because I got confused. Roll with it.  
> Please enjoy!

**\--When Sam and Becca are watching the players on the football field (Chapter 2)—**

‘I hate football’, Sam signed to his best friend, Becca. Becca was a bit of a lunatic on the best of days and often had some of the silliest ideas, but going to watch the varsity football team during practice had to be one of the more random ideas.

 

‘We’re not watching for the football,’ Becca signed back, her mouth moving as well.

 

‘Since when were you into football players?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Since always. I mean, look,’ Becca pointed to the field.

 

Sam sighed and looked out at the field. All he saw was a group of guys all wearing the same uniform running around like headless chickens. At least, that was what football looked like to Sam. Sam shook his head and went back to his homework that was situated on the bleachers between himself and Becca.

 

Becca tapped Sam on the shoulder and when he looked up, she started signing, ‘What’s the point in having a gay best friend if we can’t talk about hot guys?’

 

‘Is that all I am to you? A gay best friend?’ Sam asked.

 

‘No, shut up,’ Becca signed and looked back out at the players, ‘Just humor me. Who do you think is the hottest?’

 

This was weird for Sam. Becca rarely spoke about boys like this. In fact, at one point Sam was fairly sure she was a lesbian until the pregnancy scare of last year. The point was, it wasn’t Becca’s style to gossip about boys, but Sam was a good friend and most of the time he just went with whatever Becca said, so he would humor her.

 

‘I dunno,’ Sam signed and looked out at the boys before glancing back at Becca.

 

‘Come on. Pick one,’ Becca urged.

 

‘Fine,’ Sam signed with a sigh, ‘Probably Clark.’

 

‘Clark? Really?’ Becca asked.

 

‘What? You wanted to know. Why? Who do you think?’ Sam asked.

 

‘I don’t know,’ Becca paused before going on, ‘What do you think about Grizz?’

 

‘Grizz?’

 

Sam looked out at the field again and it didn’t take him long to spot Grizz. His floppy black hair usually stood out from the others on the field, so did the fact that he was tripping over his own feet and running into everyone. Sam thought Grizz was supposed to be one of the team’s star players. He just seemed clumsy to Sam.

 

Back to the question at hand. Was Grizz hot? Sam never thought about it before. Now Clark, Clark was hot, classically hot, and everyone knew it. Grizz was, Sam supposed, the quieter of the group, or at least he was at school. Sam could vaguely remember Grizz being the fun one at parties, always up for a dance or making a joke. That was all Sam knew about him.

 

Becca wasn’t asking what kind of guy Grizz was though. Becca was asking if Sam thought Grizz was hot.

 

‘He’s cute, I guess,’ Sam finally answered.

 

‘Cute? I think he’s smoking hot,’ Becca signed.

 

Sam shrugged. He never really took note, and he wasn’t going to start. Sam thought having a crush on a football player would be the dumbest thing he could do. They were from different worlds. The only time Sam ever spoke to the popular kids was at parties.

 

‘I signed up to environmental committee with him,’ Sam told Becca, because he knew she’d get a kick out of it and he felt bad he wasn’t really participating in the whole ‘check out the boys’ thing she randomly wanted to do.

 

‘With him?’

 

‘Well he was signing up and I just did too.’

 

‘Why?’

 

Sam shrugged, ‘Seemed like a good idea at the time.’

 

‘Because he was doing it or?’ Becca gave a questioning look, and honestly, Sam didn’t really know why he signed up. He was looking for clubs and he knew his friends, Gordie and Kelly, would most likely sign up too.

 

‘I like nature,’ Sam concluded.

 

Becca nodded and gave him a funny look. She sure was being weird today, weirder than usual, according to Sam. He looked back down at his homework to focus on that instead. He was actually getting somewhere with it until Becca slapped his leg. Sam looked up with a glare.

 

‘Look at that and tell me he’s just cute,’ Becca signed.

 

Sam looked up and followed Becca’s pointing. Running around the field in his shorts and maroon t-shirt was Grizz. Sam didn’t have a clue why Grizz was running around the field. The rest of the team had left, except for three still throwing around a ball, but Grizz was running. Either he really valued his fitness, or he was in trouble.

 

Athleticism wasn’t really something that Sam found particularly attractive, or un-attractive for that matter, but he had to admit that Grizz did look pretty good running with ease. Sam looked back at Becca who was grinning and then he shrugged before going back to his homework.

 

Sam was trying to focus and it was hard because it was hot outside sitting in the sun and he knew Becca was trying to get his attention, probably to talk about boys, which was still so bizarre to Sam because that just really wasn’t Becca. Maybe she had been abducted by aliens and had a personality transplant.

 

Sam was deep in thought when a flying object collided with his homework. He wanted to scream in frustration. _This_ was why he didn’t like footballers. They were idiots and didn’t care about anyone below their ridiculous high school hierarchy and-

 

Sam looked up. His thoughts halted, scrambled up and fell out of his head, because Grizz was walking towards himself and Becca and, holy fuck. _Holy shit._ Grizz’s almost-too-long hair was half pulled back in a tiny knot, leaving his face in full view; his face which was lightly flushed pink with a thin layer of sweat glistening in the sunlight.

 

Grizz’s shirt was off, and sure, he didn’t have the most muscles in the world but he was toned, defined, and well if that wasn’t the exact body type Sam drooled over. Suddenly he was thinking that maybe Becca had a point. And also, fuck Becca. Sam didn’t want to go out there and ogle boys. He was much more interested in what was in someone’s head, not someone’s body. In that moment though, he was going to give Becca what she wanted and indulge in this ridiculous bonding ceremony of fawning over boys.

 

When Grizz got to them and Sam threw the ball back, Sam expected him to just catch it and leave, but no. He stood there and spoke to them, and not just to _them_ but to Sam mostly. Grizz wanted sign language lessons. He even used sign language to ask the question and Sam was a little confused and taken aback. It all made sense when Grizz told him he had a deaf cousin he wanted to talk to, and Sam thought that was actually pretty sweet, so he couldn’t say no.

 

The thing that got to Sam thought was how nervous Grizz seemed. It was odd because seeing Grizz in the halls he usually seemed quiet, but never nervous or shy, but Grizz _did_ seem nervous and it was actually endearing.

 

Sam watched Grizz as he left, or more so checked out his bare back. Sam wasn’t blind. He might not have noticed Grizz before in the sea of students at their school, especially since Grizz was a senior and Sam was a junior, but he could definitely appreciate how attractive he was now.

 

‘You’re right,’ Sam turned to Becca, ‘I want to climb him like a tree.’

 

‘Yeah, he’s hot,’ Becca nodded.

 

‘Too bad he’s straight,’ Sam signed.

 

‘You like him?’

 

Sam shook his head, because he didn’t like Grizz. He didn’t know Grizz.

 

‘Why not?’ Becca asked.

 

‘He’s just a jock,’ Sam signed.

 

‘Mean. What’s wrong with being a jock?’

 

‘Not my type. We don’t mix.’

 

‘What is your type?’

 

‘I don’t know. Sensitive, soft, nice, smart, dorky,’ Sam told her. He had never had a boyfriend though and there was no one at school he was interested in. He was out and proud but was well aware he’d never get a boyfriend until college where he could meet some new people.

 

‘Grizz is smart. You know he gets the best grades,’ Becca signed.

 

‘Why don’t you date him then?’ Sam challenged.

 

Becca laughed and shook her head. She muttered something, looking down, and Sam hated it when she did that because she knew he couldn’t hear her. He forgot about it though and went back to doing his homework.

 

\---

 

**\--After Sam and Grizz’s first ASL lesson (Chapter 2)--**

 

Sam sat on his bed, facing Grizz, and he was confused. Confused because Grizz wasn’t supposed to be a nice guy. The popular kids at school had always been so one dimensional to Sam. He didn’t hate them by any means. He got along with everyone, but he never thought he would actually talk to someone from that group and _enjoy it._ Sam never thought he would make a friend.

 

Sam had a pretty good idea that Becca liked Grizz. She denied it, of course, but on the football field when she was going on and on about him, it was kind of obvious. Sam decided he liked Grizz and he one hundred per cent would approve if Becca went after him.

 

The afternoon with Grizz had gone so well. Grizz was a fast learner, Sam figured out. He picked up on most of what Sam showed him but was having a bit of difficulty with the alphabet and spelling out words quickly, but he was catching on. Everything was so great until Campbell had to turn up and ruin everything.

 

Campbell _always_ ruined everything. Sam had no idea what he had done to his brother to deserve his torture over the years. Campbell made Grizz leave and he was a dick about it, as always. Sam would be surprised if Grizz ever came back here. Once Grizz was gone, Campbell stayed leaning against the door frame.

 

‘You know you’re pathetic, right?’ Campbell signed.

 

‘Leave me alone, Campbell,’ Sam got up and went to the door so he could slam it in Campbell’s face, but his brother had other ideas. Campbell stopped the door and stepped forward. He pushed Sam back into the room.

 

‘There’s nothing more desperate than a faggot going after a straight guy,’ Campbell signed.

 

‘I’m not.’

 

‘Sure you’re not. He’s not a freak like you, okay? Stop embarrassing yourself and the family,’ Campbell signed and the way he looked at Sam made Sam want to die. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

 

‘Get out,’ Sam pointed to the door.

 

Campbell was still for a moment before giving his trademark sinister smirk and backing out of the room, pulling the door closed. Sam let out a breath and fell onto his bed. Fuck, he really hated his brother but at least he probably made a new friend today.

 

\---

 

**\--The day after Sam and Grizz’s ice-cream date (Between chapters 5 and 6)—**

Sam sat in his usual spot at his usual table, barely eating any of his food because he was distracted. He was distracted by one Grizz Visser. Grizz Visser and his stupid hair. Grizz Visser and the stupid tiny freckles on his face. Grizz Visser and the stupid way he scrunches up his nose when he’s thinking about something. Grizz Visser and his lack of varsity jacket because it was still in Sam’s room after the night before.

 

It was Tuesday and Sam couldn’t get over what happened the day before. From environmental committee, to being at Grizz’s house to hanging out for hours all night. Sam couldn’t get it out of his head. He couldn’t get Grizz out of his head, and now Sam was staring at him across the cafeteria like a creep. That was until Becca got his attention. Sam looked to his best friend in curiosity.

 

‘You okay?’ Becca signed.

 

‘Don’t know,’ Sam signed back.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

‘I think…’ Sam stopped. It was stupid.

 

‘What?’

 

Sam huffed and damn, why did this have to be so complicated? On Sunday he was convinced he was going to set up Becca and Grizz, and then Monday happened and Grizz was weird, not bad weird. It was just that Sam didn’t expect to connect with him so much and it sucked because Grizz was straight and nothing made sense.

 

‘Do you like Grizz?’ Sam asked Becca.

 

‘I already told you, no,’ Becca signed back.

 

‘I’m serious here,’ Sam signed.

 

‘So am I. I don’t like Grizz like that. Why do you keep asking?’ Becca looked frustrated and Sam didn’t blame her.

 

‘Because,’ Sam paused before just going for it and admitting it, ‘I think I do. Maybe’

 

Becca had the biggest grin on her face and Sam had to look around quickly to make sure no one had been watching their conversation. Not a lot of people knew sign language anyway so he didn’t have to worry.

 

‘What brought this on?’ Becca asked.

 

‘I don’t know. We hung out yesterday in environmental committee and it was fun, and I know I’m insane but I thought he was going to kiss me at one point,’ Sam felt dumb for even thinking it.

 

“Oh my God, seriously?’ Becca asked.

 

‘It was nothing, seriously. We were just messing around and I know it’s all in my head,’ Sam signed.

 

‘What if it’s not though? What else happened?’ Becca’s questions came fast and Sam was trying to keep up.

 

‘Well, I went back to his place because Campbell was being Campbell, and like, he put on this boy scout uniform and you don’t understand Becca. I almost died,’ Grizz told her.

 

‘What? He what? What kind of kinky shit?’ Becca frowned.

 

‘It wasn’t like that. He used to be in scouts. Not the point. Anyway, we ended up going for ice-cream and talking for hours, and I fell asleep on the hood of his car and he gave me his jacket and…’ Sam stopped because he was getting a little overwhelmed. He had developed a crush on a straight boy after talking to him for two days. He really was as pathetic as Campbell said he was.

 

‘Sam,’ Becca signed and looked at him like he was dumb, ‘You went on a date.’

 

‘What? No we didn’t,’ Sam signed back.

 

‘Yeah, you did. He took you out for ice-cream,’ Becca was smiling so wide and Sam rolled his eyes. She was turning this into something it wasn’t. Ice-cream was Sam’s suggestion, not Grizz’s, and he only suggested it to get Grizz out of the house after what his parents did. Sam wasn’t going to tell Becca that though.

 

‘He’s straight,’ Sam signed.

 

‘What if he’s not though?’ Becca suggested.

 

‘I’m not dumb, okay? It’s just a silly crush. I’ll get over it and hopefully move onto someone who isn’t straight,’ Sam signed.

 

‘Or you can tell him how you feel,’ Becca signed.

 

‘It’s just a crush, Becca. No need for a declaration of love. Besides, I really want to be his friend. That’s good enough for me,’ Sam told her, and it was the truth.

 

Becca rolled her eyes, looking extremely frustrated before bashing her head almost violently against the table. Sam had no idea what had gotten into her. He ignored her and looked back up over at Grizz again instead, and what he saw pretty much demolished any lingering thought of aforementioned crush.

 

At the table was Helena, Luke, Gwen and Grizz. The other two, Jason and Clark, that were usually there, weren’t. Grizz was sitting close to Gwen and talking to her. It wasn’t just that they were talking, but it looked intense, and Sam wasn’t dumb. He noticed the way Gwen looked at Grizz. The final nail in the coffin was when they hugged each other and Gwen kissed Grizz’s cheek.

 

Yep, Sam was going to squash his ridiculous crush on Grizz and focus on being his friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again with a bit of Sam's POV. This covers a few key scenes from chapters 7 to 12!

**When Grizz told Sam he’s gay (chapter 7)**

‘I’m Gay.’

 

Sam couldn’t quite believe the words that Grizz’s mouth had formed. Sure, Sam had hoped Grizz was gay, he even wondered a few times, but he never thought it was true. And now Sam wasn’t sure if he read Grizz’s lips right, but at the same time he could read people well; their expressions and body language, and he could practically feel how nervous Grizz was, and suddenly everything just made sense. Grizz made sense, for just the briefest moment.

 

Grizz’s eyes had been fixated on his own hands, but when he looked up at Sam again, Sam could see the fear in them. And then Grizz was crying.

 

‘Fuck’, Grizz said. It was probably one of the worst things Sam had ever seen, because he had come to care about Grizz and having him cry in front of him was a no-go zone. Without thinking too much about it, Sam reached forward and brushed the stray tears from Grizz’s cheeks. 

 

‘It’s okay. Why are you crying?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Because,’ was all Grizz said.

 

Sam could tell he wasn’t going to get anything else out of the boy. He wondered if he was the first person Grizz had told, but surely not. There was Luke, and the others. Maybe his parents, although Sam doubted it. All Sam knew at that point was that Grizz was gay and really needed a hug.

 

‘It’s okay,’ Sam said before wrapping his arms around his friend. To Sam’s relief, Grizz didn’t fight the hug. He held him back, nuzzling his face against Sam’s chest like a puppy dog. Sam just wanted to comfort Grizz. That was all the hug was, nothing more, but as Sam felt Grizz’s hands bunch up on his hoodie, he couldn’t help the butterflies fluttering through him.

 

Sam pulled back and his gaze instantly flicked to Grizz’s lips, waiting for him to say something. Sam had so many questions for Grizz but he wasn’t going to pressure him, especially when he looked so scared.

 

‘So, anyway, no problem with sharing a pillow and a sleeping bag with another guy,’ Grizz spoke, and Sam felt pure relief run through him when the other boy smiled. Sam couldn’t help but smile back.

 

‘Clearly.’

 

Sam didn’t say anything, because well, he didn’t know what to say. No one had ever come out to him before, and he wanted Grizz to tell him whatever he was comfortable with telling him, and apparently at that point of time, was nothing, because Grizz lay down on his back, head rested on the pillow.

 

Sam was close to freaking out. He couldn’t believe he found the courage to go to Grizz’s tent in the first place. And that complete bullshit he made up about Gordie kicking in his sleep? There was no way Grizz didn’t see right through that. Sam didn’t really know what he was expecting by being there, but he definitely hadn’t expected sleeping next to Grizz. The crush he had tried, and miserably failed, to squash really wasn’t going away any time soon.

 

Not wanting to look like an idiot, Sam lay down too, his head close to Grizz’s on the pillow, and the warmth that radiated from Grizz’s body felt like pure heaven as Sam shuffled under the shared sleeping bag. Grizz turned his phone light off and then it was pitch black in there. Sam turned his head to try and look at Grizz, just to see his outline, but he couldn’t. Without his hearing and not being able to see, Sam relied on his sense of touch.

 

Grizz wasn’t moving. The sleeping bag stayed still, completely still. Sam wasn’t even sure if Grizz was breathing. Sam could feel the tension, and all he wanted was for Grizz to just relax, to let Grizz know that he was _just Sam_ , and he had no reason to be scared or awkward or anything.

 

‘Stop thinking,’ Sam spoke. He reached out touched Grizz’s wrist, desperately wanting the other boy to do something other than fucking lay there freaking out. Grizz did move. Sam felt the sleeping bag shifting and a moment later the tent lit up with the light of Grizz’s phone’s torch.

 

‘You’re freezing,’ Grizz said and Sam’s heart leapt into his throat when Grizz wrapped his warm hand around Sam’s icy fingers. Sam was discovering that Grizz was an affectionate person. He hadn’t paid enough attention to Grizz with all his other friends to figure out if he was like this to them as well.

 

‘I don’t have a varsity jacket to keep me warm,’ Sam said and he wanted to kick himself, because seriously? Was he _seriously_ flirting with Grizz five seconds after the kid came out to him? Luckily, Grizz smiled down at him.

 

‘Well, I’m a bit of a cuddler and I always seem to be warm, so…’ Grizz said, and yeah, Sam was right. Grizz was affectionate, and Sam fucking loved it. If Becca were here, she would be throwing a party in their honor. If only Sam could tell her all about this night, but there was no way he would betray Grizz’s trust like that.

  

‘I like being little spoon,’ Sam said.

 

‘Works for me,’ Grizz said back.

 

Sam loved watching Grizz’s lips as he spoke, but he reluctantly tore his gaze away and rolled onto his side, facing away from Grizz. Sam could not fucking believe it when Grizz turned the light off before wrapping his arm around his waist. Sam had never been spooned by a guy before. Never. He never kissed a guy. He barely even had a real hardcore crush on a guy until now. He didn’t really know what to do except for lay there and let Grizz hold him.

 

Sam was confused, although he found himself to be confused quite often when he was around Grizz. Was this something Grizz did with all of his friends? Spoon them? Did he do this with Luke? Would Grizz bury his nose in the back of Luke’s neck like he was doing to Sam in that moment? Was this just what Grizz was like? Sam began to wonder if he could get away with more.

 

Sam, feeling a bit daring, slid his hand underneath Grizz’s, relishing in the warmth it brought. Sam held his breath, thinking for a split second that Grizz would pull his hand away, or roll over, or tell Sam this was a ‘just friends’ cuddle. Instead, Grizz encircled his fingers around Sam’s.

 

Sam didn’t want to get his hopes up. He didn’t want to overreact or think this was more than it was, but fuck, Sam was crushing hard and Grizz being, well, Grizz, wasn’t helping in the slightest. For now, Sam, relaxed against Grizz’s chest and let sleep take over.

 

**When Grizz ignored Sam and made it up to him (Chapter 9):**

Sam didn’t understand Grizz. They had this great night together where Grizz came out and they fucking cuddled all night, and then…nothing. Sam got absolutely nothing from him. Sure, maybe a text here and there through the week, but only when Grizz was rejecting Sam’s attempts at hanging out.

 

Sam didn’t get it. He thought the two of them were friends, and yeah, maybe the morning after the whole tent sleep over had been a little awkward, but Sam didn’t think he had done anything to make Grizz want to avoid him. As the days went on, Sam’s confusion turned into anger and annoyance because what the fuck?

 

So many thoughts were running through Sam’s head. Was it because Grizz came out? Did he feel weird around Sam now? Maybe he didn’t want to be gay and being around Sam made it hard? Maybe they weren’t that great of friends in the first place. Maybe Grizz was just a fucking asshole. That was the thought Sam settled on because by the end of the week he was well and truly pissed off. That anger quickly turned into frustration with himself because Grizz wasn’t obligated to be friends with Sam, right? Sam was the idiot who developed a crush on the guy and clearly thought more of their relationship than Grizz did.

 

Sam really did feel like an idiot. He thought, hoped, that maybe Grizz coming out meant something more could happen between them. He wondered if they were only friends because Grizz wanted to talk to another gay person, and Sam felt so silly because just because they were both gay didn’t mean they have to hook up, but it did give Sam a little hope, because he had developed this crush on Grizz but he pushed it aside because he thought he was straight, and now he was just so fucking confused.

 

Sam spent the entire week wanting Grizz to talk to him and yet on Friday morning when Grizz tried, Sam walked away. He didn’t want to know what he had to say, and maybe he wanted to give Grizz a little taste of his own medicine, to know what it was like to get the cold shoulder.

 

At lunch that same day, Sam sat with Becca and Kelly, zoning out as the other two talked. He didn’t have the effort in him that day to pay attention. His phone vibrated in his pocket, jolting him back to reality. He took out his phone and saw a text from Grizz.

**Izzy’s?**  – Grizz.

 

Sam glanced up at Grizz, only to see the other boy already looking back at him, but he dropped his gaze quickly. Seriously? Sam had asked Grizz to hang out every day that week and now Grizz thought he could just decide when and where to talk? Sam was having none of it.

 

  

 **Dunno. Might be busy.** ­– Sam.

 

 **Please?** – Grizz.

 

 **Don’t you have practice?** – Sam.

 

 **After that.** – Grizz

 

 **Too late and cold.** – Sam.

 

Sam didn’t get another text after that, and part of him thought that was a good thing. The other half of him wished Grizz tried a little harder. There Sam was, being delusional again. Grizz probably didn’t even like him. Grizz was popular and on the football team, after all. They didn’t mix. They _shouldn’t_ mix, and yet Sam had never had better conversations with anyone else in his life.

 

Sam, tried to forget about Grizz for the rest of the afternoon. When the final class of the day was let out, Sam walked arm in arm with Becca down the hallway to his locker just like they did every day so he could drop off his books and find the homework he needed for that night.

 

Sam opened his locker and froze when he caught the first glimpse of what was inside. Sitting there on top of his books was the yellow and maroon varsity jacket. No fucking way. There was a note sitting on top of it in the neatest cursive writing Sam had ever seen. No _fucking_ way.

 

 _‘In case you get cold’_ the note read.

 

Becca hit Sam’s arm, getting his attention, and when he looked at her, she signed to him, ‘what? What is it?’

 

Sam glanced around, at first searching for any sign of Grizz, and then making sure no one was paying attention to them or what was in Sam’s locker because, fuck, this was really fucking gay of Grizz, and Sam was _so sure_ at that point that there had to be something more between them, because who just does this? What male leaves their jacket in another male’s locker to keep them warm? Not a straight male, that was for sure. Although, the world would be a lot nicer if straight males had the fucking guts.

 

By that point Becca had wormed her way under Sam’s arm and saw exactly what Sam was looking at. She turned around in an instant with wide eyes and the biggest smile on her face.

 

‘Is this Grizz’s?’ she signed enthusiastically. All Sam could do was nod.

 

‘Oh my fucking God, he gave you his jacket,’ Becca signed and jumped up and down on the spot. Sam’s face burned red and he had the urge to downplay everything, at least to Becca.

 

‘It’s an inside joke. It doesn’t mean what you think it means,’ Sam explained.

 

‘Like hell it doesn’t. This boy is in love with you. Mark my fucking words,’ Becca signed.

 

Sam rolled his eyes, shaking his head at her. She was just being hopeful, much like Sam was on the inside, because she didn’t actually know Grizz was gay. It was all fun and games to her, but to Sam? He was more confused than ever because he was having such a hard time figuring Grizz out because he was so hot and cold all the time. He couldn’t figure out if this was actually some romantic gesture or if Grizz was just being a purely platonic friend trying to make up with his purely platonic friend with a purely platonic gesture.

 

Sam considered for about half a second not showing up at Grizz’s car like they had done every day the previous week. But fuck, who was he kidding? He liked being around Grizz and if he was being honest with himself, he missed him this past week. Of course he would forgive Grizz and hear him out.

 

 

**When Sam kissed Grizz for the first time during fugitives (chapter 10/11)**

 

Sam was having an absolute blast. He was so glad to have Grizz back as a friend, but at the same time he was so confused, because sometimes Grizz said and did things that made Sam wonder if there was something more going on between the two of them or not; like when Grizz held Sam’s hand practically all day. Sam was trying to read Grizz because Sam was sure there was something more going on, but he just needed something more from Grizz, anything.

 

Then there were times like this that drove Sam crazy, where Sam was practically sitting on Grizz on a damn bean-bag chair in the corner of the library when they were supposed to be playing a game. They were so close and Grizz’s hand was on Sam’s thigh, and it took everything in Sam’s brain power to not get an embarrassing erection because they were sitting so fucking close that there was no way Grizz wouldn’t notice it.  

 

‘Shouldn’t we be getting to the music room?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Probably, but, uhm…I kind of like it here too,’ Grizz spoke.

 

Sam nodded slowly, but on the inside, he fucking knew it! There was something else going on here. There was no way, no fucking way that Grizz wasn’t feeling at least a little bit of the same feelings that Sam had started to feel. At the very least there was an attraction between to the two of them, and Sam felt that now more than ever. 

 

“What are you looking at?” Grizz asked.

 

‘I gotta look at you to see if you talk,’ Sam said.

 

‘Any excuse will do,’ Grizz teased. And was Grizz _blushing_?

 

‘Right cause you’re just so irresistible,’ Sam said. Ain’t that the truth.

 

‘Aren’t I?’ Grizz asked.

 

Sam couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. Grizz was actually flirting with him, openly, not trying to hide it at all. Sam looked to Grizz’s lips, only this time he didn’t do it to see what Grizz was saying. He did it because he really, _really_ wanted to just pounce on Grizz and kiss the shit out of him.

 

Grizz frowned like he was in pain and the next moment he had his face nuzzled against Sam’s shoulder, and Sam couldn’t help but laugh. It was just so funny to Sam because Sam had been wondering what was going through Grizz’s head, wondering if the other boy liked him, and just now, there Grizz was, being completely transparent. Still, maybe Sam was wrong. There was always that sliver of doubt. 

 

‘What?’ Sam asked.

 

Grizz looked back up at Sam before speaking, and Sam read his lips.

 

‘You’re fucking killing me,’ Grizz said.

 

Sam was confused because he didn’t think he was doing _anything_ to Grizz. Or had he? Sam kept his gaze locked on Grizz’s, just trying to figure the boy out. Things would be so much easier, make so much more sense, if Grizz were to make a clear move. Sam willed Grizz to kiss him already. Sam needed that clarification, to know that he wasn’t insane, that his certainty about Grizz liking him back wasn’t a deluded thought.   

 

Fuck, Sam was just going to do it if Grizz wouldn’t. He was going to kiss him and fuck the consequences. What was the worst that could happen? Grizz could tell him he doesn’t like him and then they try and go back to being friends, a little awkwardly, sure, but at least Sam would know.

 

Sam was going to do it. He was going to kiss Grizz. Well, that was until Grizz sat back and looked away. Sam looked to Grizz’s lips for an explanation.

 

 ‘Someone’s here,’ Grizz mouthed.

 

Someone’s here? Oh right. They weren’t in the school building alone. They were supposed to be playing a game and Sam forgot. He was all caught up in Grizz.

 

‘Up. We gotta hide,’ Grizz said, and if it weren’t for the fear in Grizz’s eyes, Sam wouldn’t have moved so fast. But the fear was there; the fear of being caught being around Sam when they weren’t even doing anything wrong.

 

Sam got up and so did Grizz. The taller boy took Sam’s arm and tugged him to the corner of the room. There weren’t many places to hide. Grizz gently pushed Sam against the end of one of the shelves that was right in the back corner against the wall. He put his finger to Sam’s lips, silencing him. That’s right, Grizz’s _finger_ was on _Sam’s lips_ and Sam wanted to fucking bite it.

 

Sam stayed quiet, not moving a muscle. Grizz’s entire body pressed against his and Sam had never wanted somebody so much in his entire life. He kept his eyes locked on Grizz’s face, studying every little detail as Grizz looked out for whoever was in the library with them. A few moments later, Grizz turned his head back to face Sam, and Sam couldn’t breathe.

 

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._ Grizz’s nose brushed against his, and Sam was shorter than Grizz, but still, somehow Grizz had managed to slot his body perfectly with Sam’s and tilt his head down just enough for prior mentioned nose brushing to happen. Sam was losing his fucking mind. He could so easily just kiss Grizz, and if the boy’s finger wasn’t on his lip then he would have.

 

‘They’re gone,’ Grizz said, Sam’s eyes locked on his lips as he spoke. Grizz dropped his hand.

 

 ‘Should we go?’ Sam asked and he really needed Grizz to say no. Sam got his wish. Grizz shook his head and didn’t make a move to leave.

 

 _Kiss me, kiss me, please, fucking kiss me,_ Sam thought to himself. He needed it more than he needed air. Sam thought that maybe Grizz would. He was so close, and then, Grizz spoke, and Sam didn’t catch a word of it. Sam put his hand to Grizz’s chest and pushed him back a little.

 

‘What? I couldn’t see you talking,’ Sam said.

 

For a moment, Grizz hesitated. He wouldn’t meet Sam’s eyes, and Sam thought the worst. Grizz was about to tell him he wasn’t interested. Sam was sure of it. Sam watched the other boy carefully, wanting to make sure he caught whatever he said next.

 

‘I, uh…I don’t have a deaf cousin. I…I lied to you,’ Grizz said. And, well, Sam was not expecting _that._

 

‘Why?’ Sam asked.

 

‘Because…I really wanted to talk to you,’ Grizz admitted.

 

‘Oh.’

 

It took a moment for Sam to register just what Grizz’s lie meant. He thought right back to when Grizz spoke to him on the football field and asked him for ASL lessons. And holy shit. Grizz lied to Sam just to talk to him and Sam wasn’t mad in the slightest.

 

Grizz was speaking but Sam wasn’t paying attention because he only had one thing on his mind. If Grizz wouldn’t hurry up and kiss him then he’d just have to take matters into his own hands. Sam stepped forward and without another thought pressed his lips against Grizz’s. And it felt good, really fucking good.

 

Grizz stumbled back and Sam went with him, pushing Grizz to the wall. Grizz’s lips were just as soft as what Sam had imagined. The only problem was that Grizz wasn’t kissing him back. Grizz wasn’t moving at all, actually. Sam pulled back, his cheeks burning how because, fuck, did he really actually pounce on Grizz like that? And did Grizz actually want it? Sam was two seconds away from apologizing when Grizz opened his mouth to speak.

 

‘Can you do that again? Please?’ Grizz asked.

 

Sam couldn’t help but smile as he nodded, because duh, of course he could do that again. Only this time, he was going to do it properly, not scare the poor boy. Sam stepped closer and brought his hands up to the warm skin on Grizz’s neck, touching him lightly, trying not to make it too obvious that he wanted to touch his body _everywhere._ He watched as Grizz closed his eyes and Sam thought it was the cutest thing in the whole entire world that Grizz was just standing there, waiting for Sam to kiss him, and that was exactly what Sam did.

 

Sam pressed his lips to Grizz’s softer this time, taking the time to really breathe in everything that was Grizz. And while Sam desperately wanted to push Grizz against the wall again and shove his tongue down Grizz’s throat, he felt like this, just kissing him softly, was more rewarding.

 

When Grizz kissed Sam back, it was like every fibre in Sam’s being exploded. Sam had imagined what it would be like to kiss Grizz, or any guy for that matter. It wasn’t Sam’s first kiss. He had kissed Becca before, just for practice when they were younger, but no kiss had ever compared to this one.

 

Grizz was a good kisser, Sam decided. His lips moved slow but with meaning, so much meaning, and Sam’s heart swelled at the thought, because this couldn’t just be two horny teenagers in the back of the library. Sam really, really liked Grizz and he hoped Grizz felt the same way.

 

Sam lost track of time kissing Grizz. It was easy to. He was just beyond ecstatic that Grizz was kissing him back and he wasn’t delusional after all. And also, what the fuck? How did Sam manage to get a _football player_? Especially one as hot as Grizz was.

 

Sam was about five seconds away from deepening the kiss when Grizz pulled away. No, actually, he completely stepped away, and Sam saw why. Standing over at the end of the row of books was Gwen. Sam’s cheeks flushed pink at being caught, and well, it could’ve been worse. It could’ve been Campbell.

 

Sam and Grizz locked eyes, and that was when Sam noticed the desperate, terrified look in the other boy’s eyes. That was when Sam began to worry, because why would Grizz look that freaked out? It was only Gwen. Weren’t they friends? Sam was positive that they were good friends, actually.

 

Sam wished he knew what the fuck was going on, or could see what Gwen was saying, because something was happening. It took Sam a minute to realize it wasn’t just Gwen there, because the next minute, Grizz was telling him to stay put and then he and Gwen disappeared.  

 

Sam didn’t know what to think. He still didn’t know what exactly was going on and if he couldn’t see Grizz and Gwen’s shadows where he was then he would’ve thought he was abandoned. Sam stood there for a while just by himself, waiting. He felt like he was Grizz’s dirty little secret, but at the same time he didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

 

After a little while, Grizz came back into view and glanced down at Sam. Gwen turned up then, and Sam still didn’t know what the hell just happened and if someone didn’t explain themselves then Sam was going to lose it. Sam took a few steps forward and when neither of them told him to stop, he figured it was safe, and if there were other people there, then they must have left.

 

‘So…how long has this been going on?’ Gwen asked, gesturing between the two boys.

 

Sam looked to Grizz who looked whiter than normal. Sam was worried now. Grizz looked as though he was about to be sick. Was this because they got caught or was there something else? Sam didn’t have a clue.

 

‘My hands feel numb,’ Grizz’s said, and that wasn’t normal, was it?

 

Sam looked back and forth between Gwen and Grizz, and the next thing Sam knew, Grizz was sitting on the floor by a wall, rocking back and forth with his hands tangled in his hair. Sam didn’t know what to do because he wasn’t good in situations like these, especially when he had no clue what was wrong with Grizz.

 

Sam wanted to go over and comfort him, to ask him what was wrong, but these were the facts that Sam knew; he kissed Grizz, and now Grizz was on the floor in some kind of emotional distress, and Sam felt like he was the problem. He didn’t know _how_ he was the problem, he just knew it was him.

 

Sam watched as Gwen got on her knees in front of Grizz and Sam was sure she said something, but her back was to Sam so he didn’t know what.

 

‘I can’t. I can’t. I can’t,’ Grizz said over and over as he shook his head. That much, Sam got.

 

Sam was scared now, because Grizz was scared. He could see the fear written all over the other boy’s face. Sam did nothing except stand back and watch, like a deer caught in headlights, or like watching a car crash happen and have no means to stop it. Grizz just stayed there, face in his hands, for the longest time, and Sam didn’t know what the fuck to do.

 

‘Gwen?’ Sam called her name

 

The girl stood up as if just realizing Sam was still there and went over to him.

 

‘What’s happening?’ Sam asked.

 

‘I think, like, a panic attack?’ Gwen said with a questioning look on her face.

 

‘Why?’ Sam asked. He didn’t want the reason to be him. He really didn’t.

 

‘Clark and Jason were here. None of us knew about Grizz and you. I think he’s just freaking out about it,’ Gwen explained.

 

Sam looked to Grizz. He really didn’t know what to think. He liked Grizz, a lot, and Grizz liked him but what was supposed to happen now? Grizz was having a panic attack because he kissed him! 

 

Gwen caught Sam’s attention, and he looked back at her.

 

‘You should go. I’ve got this,’ Gwen said.

 

‘What? No. I’m not leaving him,’ Sam argued.

 

‘Please? I think it might be for the best,’ Gwen said.

 

Sam wanted to argue with her. He wanted to go over there and hug Grizz but what if she was right? What if it was for the best? What if Sam being there made it worse? That thought was the only reason Sam gave in and nodded.

 

‘Can you ask him to text me later?’ Sam asked.

 

‘I will, and he will. Promise,’ Gwen said.

 

Sam looked at Grizz again, curled up on himself, and his heart broke. He left the two of them there, hoping that Grizz would talk to him later and they could work things out.  

 

 

**When Sam watched Grizz jump from the roof and drooled over his wet body (chapter 12)**

Sam didn’t even know what he was thinking going to Luke’s party. Well, that was a lie. He did know what he was thinking. He was thinking that he hadn’t spoken to Grizz in _two fucking weeks_ because of his stupid decision to not be friends. Sam regretted it, and what made it worse was that that wasn’t what Sam meant at all.

 

He hoped giving Grizz an ultimatum would make Grizz snap out of it and maybe, if anything, just open up to Sam. Sam found Grizz more and more confusing every day. The boy kept shutting down and Sam knew there was something more going on in that head of his, but Grizz kept himself hidden away under lock and key.

 

Sam went to that party on a mission to be friends with Grizz again. He needed it. The past two weeks without Grizz had been unbearable and even though Sam wanted more than friendship, he would settle for just that; friendship, just to be around Grizz again. That was Sam’s big mission; befriend Grizz.

 

‘Have you seen him? Couldn’t find him inside,’ Sam signed to Becca when he found her where he left her; by the pool.

 

Becca nodded and pointed up. Sam looked around and spotted Grizz and his friends up on the roof in a line. Sam looked to Becca with side eyes.

 

‘What the fuck are they doing?’ Sam signed.

 

‘They’re gonna jump,’ Becca signed back.

 

‘Are they dumb? They could get hurt,’ Sam signed wildly.

 

He looked back up at Grizz who was swaying from side to side, and Sam almost had a damn heart attack when the lot of them turned their backs to the crowd. Honestly, Sam thought jocks were absolute idiots. He thought Grizz was different to them too. Lately though, Grizz seemed to fit right in with his friends. It was almost like how it was back before he and Grizz had started talking.

 

Sam watched on in horror as the row of boys flung themselves off the roof in a backflip. Sam latched onto Becca’s hand and held his breath as his eyes stayed glued to Grizz’s form. Luckily Grizz and the others landed safely in the pool. Sam let out a deep breath.

 

‘You really like him, huh?’ Becca signed.

 

‘What made you think that?’ Sam signed back, ‘the fact that I cry about him to you all the time?’

 

Becca smiled and shook her head, ‘you asked him to be friends again yet?’

 

‘Not yet.’

 

‘Why not?’

 

‘He’s always around his friends. I have to wait until he’s alone,’ Sam signed.

 

‘You should try to fuck him tonight,’ Becca signed before laughing.

 

‘You’re annoying,’ Sam rolled his eyes, and when he did, they landed on the pool, and oh fuck. _Fuck_. Oh no. Sam couldn’t handle this. He really couldn’t handle this because he planned on asking Grizz to be his friend again, but how could Sam be his friend when he looked like _that_?

 

Grizz pushed himself out of the pool and Sam could do nothing but gawk at him. Grizz, wet, shirtless, only in his red boxer briefs. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_. Grizz looked like a God, or at least that was what Sam thought. And the way Grizz pushed his wet hair back? Sam couldn’t take it.

 

And the boxer briefs, wet, clinging to Grizz’s… _holy shit_. Nothing was left to the imagination, _nothing_. And while Sam really liked Grizz on a deeper, more personal level, he couldn’t help but to reduce Grizz to a piece of meat in that moment. Sam want Grizz to fuck him.

 

Sam looked to Becca who was looking back and forth between Grizz and Sam, laughing her ass off. Sam had had enough of her shit. When she noticed Sam looking at her, she doubled over, probably laughing harder. Sam waited impatiently for the girl to get herself together and when she did she gave him a sympathetic look.

 

‘Oh Sam, just friends? Good luck.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, friends. Also I didn't proof read properly so sorry if it sucked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested!!!!  
> This is a snippet of Sam's POV of chapter 28!! So don't read this if you haven't read chapter 28 yet!

**When Sam saw Grizz at school after the break up/Sam seeing the Clark kiss (chapter 28)**

 

Sam hadn’t slept properly since Friday. From having an internal battle with himself about breaking up with Grizz, to actually going through with it and watching the boy’s heart break right in front of his eyes. Sam’s mind couldn’t turn off, and he couldn’t stop seeing the look in Grizz’s watery eyes, the one filled with hurt and betrayal, and Sam had caused that, and Sam felt so unbelievably guilty.

 

Sam hated his brother more than words could describe. He was scared of him, scared of what he might do, but seeing Grizz so hurt, well, Sam thought that was worse than anything Campbell could do to either of them. Campbell had _won_. That fucker won. He made Sam’s life miserable and for what? So he could keep that dirty, smug smile on his face whenever he noticed how down Sam was at home?

 

Sam’s inner voices were going back and forth in his mind. Sometimes Sam thought he made the right decision, that keeping Grizz away from Campbell was for the best, but then at other times, Sam thought that maybe he reacted too quickly, that he got scared too easily, that he shouldn’t have let Campbell scare him like that and maybe, just maybe he shouldn’t have broken up with Grizz.

 

Sam was deep in thought as Becca signed something to him against their lockers. He wasn’t paying any attention to her though. He was, like he had done all weekend, thinking about whether he should tell Grizz the truth or not, because Sam was suffering, and he had no clue how Grizz was taking the break up, but Sam was miserable.

 

Sam was very perceptive about what was going on around him, so when he noticed almost every person in the hall had turned their attention to something, or someone, Sam couldn’t help but look too. And that was when he saw Grizz, their eyes locking for barely half a second before Grizz looked down.

 

Sam latched onto Becca’s arm and nodded to Grizz, because Sam wanted answers and Becca was usually clued in to gossip. Sam’s heart was in his throat as his mind raced to all the possible answers to _what the fuck happened to Grizz’s face?_ Grizz’s perfect, pale, lightly freckled face was black and blue. The mere thought of anyone hurting Grizz like that made Sam want to find the person and put an end to them. Sam placed a hand on his own neck which was covered by a turtle-neck shirt to hide the red marks Campbell left there. If someone had made Grizz felt scared in the same way Campbell made him feel, then Sam wanted to destroy that person.

 

‘What happened?’ Sam signed to Becca once Grizz had passed, ‘did you hear anything about this?’

 

Becca looked a little guilty as she replied, ‘I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to obsess or anything, but Gwen told me he got into a fight with Clark.’

 

‘With Clark?’ Sam asked, and he knew Grizz and Clark were having a lot of issues with their friendship but he didn’t think it would come to a serious fight.

 

‘Yeah. I don’t know why. Seems really random to me,’ Becca signed.

 

Sam agreed, and that was when the thought crossed his mind that maybe it wasn’t Clark. What if it was Campbell? And then Sam found himself telling Becca he had to go to the bathroom, but instead he found himself heading in the direction Grizz went. The boy’s floppy, black hair peaked up above the crowd of shorter students as Sam followed from a distance.

 

Sam wasn’t trying to stalk Grizz, and maybe it was a bad idea to talk to him this soon after their break up, but in Sam’s heart, they weren’t broken up, because Sam didn’t want them to be broken up. He still cared about Grizz. He still wanted to make sure Grizz was okay, and that was why he followed him into the library, and even after Grizz disappeared, Sam knew the exact place he would be.

 

Sam was right. When he rounded the corner, he stood at the end of the shelves, looking down at Grizz sitting on the bean bag in the corner, holding a book. Sam didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but he still just stood there until Grizz looked up at him, and the expression on his face didn’t even change. He just put his head down, going back to reading the book.

 

Okay, Sam deserved that. He deserved the cold shoulder, right? That didn’t stop Sam from hating this though. All that did was make Sam want to tell Grizz the truth so everything could go back to normal and Grizz could stop hurting.

 

Sam went over to Grizz and knelt on the ground before him. Up close, Grizz’s face was even worse, and he wondered just how many hits Clark, or whoever it was, got in. His nose looked like it could have been broken, or at least very close to it, and his cheek looked as though he had been struck in the face with a hammer. It looked like it hurt a lot, and all Sam wanted to do was reach out and touch him, to focus all his energy on curing Grizz, but the moment Grizz turned his head away, Sam knew he couldn’t do that, that it was a line he couldn’t cross, because they weren’t together. Nothing seemed right.

 

‘Did Campbell do this, or was it really Clark?’ Sam asked. Grizz peered at him again through his thick, pretty eyelashes, and Sam saw anger in them, which was such a change from Saturday when they were filled with pure hurt.

 

‘So, the rumors have started, huh?’ Grizz spoke, Sam reading his lips with the ease that he had gained from being around him so much.

 

‘I heard from Becca,’ Sam told him.

 

‘Oh yeah? How’d she hear?’ Grizz asked.

 

‘Gwen, I think. I didn’t really get the full story. I came to find you instead,’ Sam said.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Because,’ Sam shrugged, because wasn’t it obvious? Sam cared about Grizz more than he cared about anyone. He needed to see if he was okay, even if, a little selfishly, Sam wanted to ease his own guilty conscience.

 

‘It was Clark,’ Grizz admitted.

 

‘Why? What happened?’ Sam asked as he scooted forward a little.

 

‘On Saturday after…you know…I went to Gwen’s and ended up staying the night. Nothing happened but Clark turned up the next morning and found me in her room and…yeah,’ Grizz explained. Sam looked right into Grizz’s eyes to try and tell if he was lying, but the story seemed truthful and Grizz’s expression wasn’t hiding a thing.

 

‘Oh,’ Sam nodded, not knowing what else to say.

 

‘Yeah. He thinks me and Gwen are together and now he hates me, and all my friends probably fucking hate me. I have no boyfriend. I came out to my mom too which was just fan-fucking-tastic, so all in all, I think I had an awesome weekend,’ Grizz rambled on, and it was a little hard for Sam to catch every little thing he said, but he got the main points, and that did nothing to help the guilt Sam felt. Sam, or Campbell for that matter, could not have picked a worse possible time to break up with Grizz. Sam wanted to be there for Grizz. He needed to be.

 

‘You came out to her? Seriously?’ Sam asked, and he didn’t even think twice about it before laying his hand over Grizz’s. He should have thought twice though, because when Grizz looked down at their hands touching, Sam could tell that was the last thing Grizz wanted Sam to do.

 

‘You can’t do that,’ Grizz said as he tore his hand away.

 

‘We can still-’

 

‘What?’ Grizz spoke, ‘be friends? That doesn’t work for us and you know it. I don’t want to be your fucking friend, Sam.’

 

And of course Grizz didn’t want to be his friend, because Sam didn’t want to be his friend either. Sam just didn’t know what to do. He desperately wanted to be there for Grizz, to comfort him, to make things okay, and he couldn’t. He couldn’t because of fucking Campbell.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ was all Sam could say.

 

‘For? You don’t want to be with me. You don’t have to apologize for that,’ Grizz said. And how wrong he was. He was so, so, _so_ fucking wrong. All Sam wanted was to be with him.

 

‘I can’t be around you,’ Grizz’s lips formed the words so quickly that Sam barely caught them before Grizz was up, and then he was gone, leaving Sam on his own and to his thoughts. The last vision in Sam’s mind that would stick with him for his morning classes were the tears that were about to spill over in Grizz’s eyes.

 

\---

 

‘I feel so sorry for him,’ Becca signed to Sam at lunch.

 

‘Me too,’ Sam agreed, still lost in thought like he had been all day.

 

‘I mean, look. He just walked out. I don’t think his friends want anything to do with him,’ Becca signed.

 

Sam looked around and sure enough, Grizz wasn’t anywhere in sight. At his usual table, Gwen was also absent. Sam obviously couldn’t hear the gossip and rumors that were spreading around school about Clark and Gwen, but in third period when the teacher left the room and the class burst out into chatter that Sam couldn’t follow, Kelly told him that the general consensus was that Gwen and Grizz slept together and Clark found out. Sam wanted to tell all of them how stupid they were and how it was none of their business, but Sam defending Grizz so passionately would have raised questions that Grizz wouldn’t want to answer.

 

‘Do you think I should follow him?’ Sam asked.

 

‘And do what? You aren’t together,’ Becca reminded him.

 

‘But what if we were?’

 

‘But you aren’t.’

 

‘I know. And it sucks so bad, but what if I…I don’t know…’ Sam trailed off.

 

‘Sam?’ Becca gave him a questioning look.

 

‘I don’t know. I’m thinking of telling him the truth. At least so he doesn’t think I don’t like him,’ Sam told her.

 

‘What about Campbell?’ Becca asked.

 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip as he thought about it, and honestly, in that point in time, where Sam was in a world of misery and Grizz was obviously not coping any better, there wasn’t anything Campbell could do to them that would make it worse, other than out Grizz. Sam was losing his mind though and he just needed Grizz to be on the same page as him; for Grizz to know the truth and they can figure out from there where to go next.

 

‘I’m going to go find Grizz,’ Sam told Becca as he stood.

 

‘And tell him what?’

 

‘I don’t know. Everything. I just want him back,’ Sam said.

 

Becca grinned wide from ear to ear, ‘best idea you’ve had all year. Good luck.’

 

Sam gave a quick smile before he was out of there. With a burst of adrenaline mixed in with his determination to make things right, Sam marched down the halls of the school building. He was excited, although a little scared. He didn’t want Grizz to be mad at him for what he did, even if he felt threatened into breaking up with him. He also couldn’t bear the possibility of Grizz rejecting whatever Sam had to say.

 

Sam wasn’t sure what exactly he was even going to say. Was he just going to take everything back and try to get back together? Was he going to tell Grizz about Campbell and still try to get back together? Or would he tell Grizz about Campbell, just so he knows the truth, but still keep his distance? Anything would be better than having Grizz walking around thinking Sam didn’t like or care about him.

 

Sam wasn’t sure where Grizz had gone to. He checked the library first, but to no avail, then their empty classroom they often met in, followed by the football field. Sam was going to give up and actually use this wonderful piece of technology called a cell phone to text Grizz, but as he walked past the locker rooms he stopped, thinking that maybe Grizz had ended up in there because they were usually deserted over lunch and if Grizz wanted to be alone then that was an option.

 

Sam went up to the door and pushed it open, but as his eyes scanned the area, he did not expect to see what he saw. The sight before him made his heart shatter into a million pieces, falling into his stomach. His skin went red hot and prickly and his head spun like he was in some sort of nightmare he couldn’t get out of.

 

Right before him in the locker room was Grizz pressed against the lockers, with Clark kissing him, and Grizz was _kissing back_. Sam couldn’t breathe and for a moment he couldn’t move either. He thought that maybe if he stared at them long enough then he’d see it was just some illusion or some sort of explanation would pop into his mind as to why in the world Grizz and _Clark_ of all people would be kissing? No, not just kissing. It was making out.

 

Grizz started pulling on Clark’s shirt and that was enough to snap Sam out of it. That was enough for Sam because if he watched for a second longer then he was going to throw up. Sam ran. That was all he could do. He ran back through the door, swinging it shut. He ran down the hallway and around a corner, because funnily enough he actually thought that he was in the wrong, that he witnessed something he shouldn’t have and he would get in trouble for it.

 

Sam ran until he reached the boy’s bathrooms, hurtling himself into one of the stalls so he could lock himself in there. He sat on the closed toilet seat and breathed in and out heavily, trying to catch his breath and his thoughts.

 

Grizz kissed Clark. _Clark._ They kissed. And it looked like they were enjoying it. And oh God, Sam was sick. He clutched at his stomach and his heart because everything hurt and nothing made sense. He rocked back and forth as a few tears escaped and Sam tried his hardest not to let out a sob just in case someone else was in there with him.

 

So many questions ran through Sam’s mind. How long had this been going on between Grizz and Clark? Was it something that started before they were together? Or during? Or was this the first time? Was Grizz just waiting for Sam and him to break up before moving onto someone else? Had Grizz always liked Clark? Was their hatred towards each other because of Gwen just a lie? Or did it develop from that? Did Grizz like Clark now? Were they going to date?

 

The thought of Grizz dating anyone else gave Sam an instant headache. Sam wanted to curl into a ball and disappear because Grizz was with someone else. He had moved on so fast from Sam and, what the fuck? Sam was suddenly angry, because seriously? Grizz was kissing someone else _two days_ after they had broken up. Two days! Was that really all it took? Was Sam not worth more than that? Two days and it was like Sam was nothing. And to think, Sam wanted to get back together with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
